Just a quick post about how grateful I am to my family for everything they do for me every day.
Since I moved to my new condo I have had someone come visit me almost every single day, in fact I don’t think even one day has gone by that either my Mom or Dad or sister or aunt or cousin come over with some home cooking or something. It’s absolutely amazing and I’m so appreciative.
I’m really really lucky to be surrounded by so many kind and supportive people.
MATC
2008 was a very big year for me, filled with ups and downs, many revelations and the end of 2008 also brought the end of my marriage. I never thought I would be a single Mom, it just wasn’t part of the plan, but as I’ve learned life is what happens when you’re making other plans.
People change as do the rules by which you live so I can either sulk and brood or I can adjust, go with the flow and be thank ful for what I have which is an amazing and supportive family, without whom I’d probably be lying in some ditch somewhere asleep, and 2 amazing children which I’m greatful for every day. Even on 1 or 2 hours of sleep.
But this year isn’t about what happened last year, it’s about starting fresh and building a new life. Creating new routines, activities, friendships. My Mom says that if you have a vision of where you want to go and keep working towards that vision, you will get there eventually. Here is my vision:
Become fit and healthy. Go the gym and do activities that I enjoy.
Spend quality time with my kids, help them become well rounded, respectful and decent people.
Spend time with friends that I enjoy being around, not out of guilt or obligation but truly enjoy being with.
Work from home and generate an income that will allow me to live without worry and also spend time with my kids.
Be in a relationship with someone who enjoys doing the same things I do, going to movies, beach vacations, going to the cottage and spending time with the family.
So goodbye to 2008 and everything it brought and hello to 2009 and all that it may bring.
MATC
That’s right, the man whom I stood in front of 4 short years ago and promised for better or worse, till death do us part turned out to be a grade A first class asshole.
Now, generally I don’t resort to name calling since I don’t believe it does any good but somtimes there’s just no other description for it. If it walks like a duck and it behaves like a duck…
Tonight I ventured into the dangerous territory of asking my husband from whom I’m separated if he has any regrets, meaning about us and he said he has some ill feelings… what is that????
I thought that when I had moved out and he didn’t get to see his kids every day he would totally regret everything and want us back. I was wrong, very wrong. He said he didn’t used to like coming home so I asked him if he likes it now and he said it’s a different dynamic. Is that a yes? I think so.
For a little while I actually felt sorry for him because I thought he was an idiot who broke up our family without thinking and is now paying the consequences but that is not the case. He seems quite content to be on his own and see his kids a few hours a week. Wow! How could I have married someone like this? How could I have not seen how cold this man was and how family just doesn’t matter to him. The very things that are most important to me are the things he takes so lightly and carelessly.
The only sense I can make of this is that there is someone else out there better for me. Why I didn’t marry that person and have kids with him I’ll never know and it doesn’t matter because if I had to go through all of this again to have the kids I have now I would in a heartbeat.
Tonight was a turning point for me. Something has shifted and I’m taking a little of myself back. I want to get back to myself and feel like myself again. I’m not sure exactly who that is these days but its not someone who is going to cater to my selfish husband, in any way. I need to rebuild my life as a newly single person. A newly single mom. And I will, for myself and my children. Karma will take care of him and I will take care of me. First for a change.
MATC
