That’s right, the man whom I stood in front of 4 short years ago and promised for better or worse, till death do us part turned out to be a grade A first class asshole.
Now, generally I don’t resort to name calling since I don’t believe it does any good but somtimes there’s just no other description for it. If it walks like a duck and it behaves like a duck…
Tonight I ventured into the dangerous territory of asking my husband from whom I’m separated if he has any regrets, meaning about us and he said he has some ill feelings… what is that????
I thought that when I had moved out and he didn’t get to see his kids every day he would totally regret everything and want us back. I was wrong, very wrong. He said he didn’t used to like coming home so I asked him if he likes it now and he said it’s a different dynamic. Is that a yes? I think so.
For a little while I actually felt sorry for him because I thought he was an idiot who broke up our family without thinking and is now paying the consequences but that is not the case. He seems quite content to be on his own and see his kids a few hours a week. Wow! How could I have married someone like this? How could I have not seen how cold this man was and how family just doesn’t matter to him. The very things that are most important to me are the things he takes so lightly and carelessly.
The only sense I can make of this is that there is someone else out there better for me. Why I didn’t marry that person and have kids with him I’ll never know and it doesn’t matter because if I had to go through all of this again to have the kids I have now I would in a heartbeat.
Tonight was a turning point for me. Something has shifted and I’m taking a little of myself back. I want to get back to myself and feel like myself again. I’m not sure exactly who that is these days but its not someone who is going to cater to my selfish husband, in any way. I need to rebuild my life as a newly single person. A newly single mom. And I will, for myself and my children. Karma will take care of him and I will take care of me. First for a change.
MATC
zhannamomma said
There’s just really something wrong with a person who would prefer to come home to an empty place rather than to a family: kids to call for you and be happy that you are there, wife to bounce idea of, share news about your day with, talk about the kids with. It’s a nice feeling to have some vindication, when they feel bad and regret their choices, but ultimately the best revenge is living well. Either way, moving on is the best you can do.